Natalie Weiss

Good things require little more effort than open eyes. I believe this is true. After all, I wrote this line in my last post. But like most things, it’s not all black and white. And, like most true things, it’s often paradoxical.

Good things are easy and hard. Good things require monumental strength and a light grasp. Good things demand discipline yet reward the wild wanderer.

I’m going to tell you a secret. I’m going to be brutally honest with both you and myself right now.

Querying is harder than I thought it would be. Not because of rejection – though obviously that is hard too. More so because I feel like I am in flux. I’m waiting. I’m wondering. I’m wandering. I am impatient. Because I want to know my next move. I don’t feel like I have enough information to accurately set my next goal, to set off on my next pursuit. This is a part of querying that I wasn’t expecting.

If good things truly are paradoxical – if they are easy and hard and require monumental strength and a light grasp and demand discipline and reward the wild wanderer – then I am sure I am in the middle of a good thing right now. Because waiting is all of these things too. Faith and deeds. Not just one or the other. Strong and steady.

Live in great expectation of good things was born out of a period of waiting. The conviction that though nothing monumental may seem to be happening in the moment – that nothing good is in the works – it is. Or, at least, it can be. If I remember to be an active participant. If I remember that I am allowed to write my story. It’s the mantra that gets me to clean my apartment, even though I have zero plans for anyone to come over. It’s the mantra that gets me to my desk, writing words that I am unsure will ever be read by eyes other than my own. It’s the mantra that gets me doing anything, because I have a hard time doing things for the sake of doing them – I crave an end goal. I’m still working on easing up on that.

So I’m trying to embrace the paradox. I’m trying to work yet be patient. To stay faithful yet be still. To expect everything good even while I wait.